What to Say When Someone Says Your Modality Doesn’t Work|

Business and Marketing for Massage and Bodywork Therapists

Episode 57.

MINDY TOTTEN: Hey hey there. Welcome back everyone, to the Do It With Intention podcast!

Today we are going to continue our series of what to say during certain difficult or what I'm calling sticky situations.

Today's topic came up recently inside The Bodywork Project, and it's a really, tough topic actually for me, because it's something that I struggled with for years and years and years.

So I hope that listening to this episode will help you if it ever comes up for you. That situation is what to say. When someone says your modality doesn't work.

For so many of us, I know for me, I'll just use CranioSacral Therapy as an example for me, I. You know I am in love with craniosacral therapy, which sounds ridiculous, I know, but I find it to be such a modality of grace and beauty and effectiveness, I'm really in awe. That's what I should say. I'm in awe of this modality.

And you probably are that way, too, whatever modality it is that you practice because we found our way, however we did through our lives, who our journey to this modality it's often because it helped us in some way.

It helped us to heal and feel whole. So it's really, really difficult when somebody challenges that modality, particularly if you are practicing some sort of subtle touch work. Then the efficacy is not always immediately apparent. It can be really, really difficult when somebody throws shade at your modality and you don't know what to say.

Like what do you mean craniosacral therapy doesn't work? What do you mean that myofascial release is not a real therapy? I mean, I've heard it all through the years. So what do you say when somebody brings that up to you? You know, It came up in The Bodywork Project because someone came in and they said, Oh, that felt really great.

But I looked up X modality online and they said, you know, it was quackery. You know, it didn't really work. There are no proven studies.

1. The first thing remember is not to get defensive. Please don't take it personally. It's not about you. It's not about your modality, no therapies for everyone. And you know that your modality does help people, you know that in your heart, so you don't have to get defensive.

You don't have to try to convince the other person. You don't have to try to explain it away. The most important thing probably is just a whole space. For the person just ground yourself in when somebody says, Oh, well your modality doesn't work. I looked it up online, ground yourself in take a breath or two and decide how you want to respond.

2. So, you know, you don't have to engage at all. Actually, if, you know, if you're at a cocktail party or something like that, Oh, you do that. Well, I've heard of that, but I heard it was, you know, a bunch of hooey. You can just smile and let the person go on. I learned years ago, I don't have to try to convince people that craniosacral therapy is an effective modality because I have seen firsthand the lives that it has changed through the years.

So it's not my job to, you know, be a evangelical and bring everybody into the craniosacral therapy world. And at the same time I have found, there are times I do want to engage because I want to. Inform and educate the person without being defensive. So if you choose not to engage, that's perfectly fine.

It's not your job to convince anyone.

3. If you decide to engage a couple of things that you can say, a couple of things that work well, one is again, don't get defensive, but ask the person, Oh, really? Where did you get your information? So they say, Oh, I looked up your modality online. They say, it's quackery.

You can say, Oh really? Where did you find that? What website mentions that? And then you can get into an honest discussion about a discussion about the internet, if you want to. Right. There's so much stuff on here. But when somebody tells me that they've, they looked it up online and they found X, Y, Z I'll generally say something like, I know isn't the internet crazy, you know, you can find.

The internet saying that everything is quackery, that surgery is quackery, is that pharmaceuticals are quackery. You know, it's, it's hard to know what's what you should believe online or something like that. I'll just say, you know, just ask questions so that you can and see where the person is coming from.

And then if you feel like the conversation needs to continue and you want to explain a little bit. Bye by all means, you can explain your modality in layman's terms, but I don't usually even get into, well, this is what craniosacral therapy does and then a double blind study bill, but I don't get into any of that.

I say something like I've seen in my own experience through the years, how many people have been helped by craniosacral therapy, for whatever let's say for migraines like yours. but if it seems like something that you're not interested in, or you don't really quite. Believe in it, then there are many other modalities that you might try and boom, leave it at that.

Like I'm not the pied Piper. I don't have to convince everybody. I acknowledge you. I hear what you're saying. And I disagree with what you're saying, because I have seen a different reality from my own experiences.

Remember also when you're explaining, you can explain it to the person, you can say something like, well, you know, there's no modality that's right for everyone. So, you know, this might not be for you, but you might try this. And even if this is not for you, you might know other people who could be helped by it, something like that. So you're coming really from again, base of groundedness, a space of neutral so that you can engage with the person, right.

Without getting combative, without being defensive, without trying to explain every single aspect of your modality so that the person gets because they may not get it right. And if you detach from the outcome there, you're going to have a much, much more positive experience.

And then at the end, you can bless and release. If it's not going to be a good fit, if they don't want to come in for the modality bless and release. Several years ago, my, my husband came home from playing tennis and he was furious and he's not an angry guy at all. So I was like, what the heck is going on?

And he said, I was playing tennis, and during one of the breaks, we were all talking and the guy said that he was a massage therapist. And I said, Oh, my, my wife does craniosacral therapy. And he said in front of everyone on the tennis court, well, craniosacral therapy doesn't work.

And my husband got so angry and enraged. And when you told me that story, I just laughed. And he was like, how can you laugh? I said, rattled, you can't convince everyone. You know, other therapists, you know, they might really love their modality, so they don't think anything else works, you know? and he said, but what about those other people in the court?

They're now going to think that, you know, that you're. What you do is, is terrible. And I was like, it doesn't matter what they think. First of all, they're probably not going to think that, and if they have a headache or a shoulder thing or whatever in the future, you can just tell them, Hey, my wife does this therapy and it might be helpful for you.

So don't integrate with the haters, right? I think it's for Brene Brown says, “Don't don't engage with the haters. It's not your job to be the jackass whisper,” which I love. Cause there are times where I'm just like, especially when that comes from another practitioner, that's kind of a little tangent here.

When other practitioners that you meet or you talk with them, they say that your modality is no good or it doesn't work. I always 100% of the time, just disengage from that, because that again is not about me. It's not about my work that is totally about them because I know myself cause being an advanced practitioner, you know, been doing this a really long time.

I know that no matter what the therapy is, there are some people that it works for. And I honor that and I respect that. So if a client comes to me and they say, Hey, I've been thinking about this other modality, what do you think of it? And if it's something, you know, I'll just say I don't have experience with it, so I don't know.

Oh, I've heard great things about it. I'll also say, you know, it didn't really work for me, but I've had other clients who love it. So if that's something that you're being called to by all means, give it a try and then I'll try to recommend somebody who I know who does the modality. So remember there is plenty for all of us.

There's plenty to go around. There's no reason for us to disparage other practitioners or other modalities. And when people come to us and they're disparaging our modality, there's no reason to get defensive. And to get upset about it. Hold your ground, come from a space of neutral. You can try saying a couple of things that I suggested today, and then if it doesn't work that's okay.

 Bless and release. You don't have to convince anyone.